The summer of Harry's thoughts
by MoJo-sbluver
Summary: Harry thinks of Sirius and the rest of his friends this year. He realizes the loyalty that they have toward him and he finds great stregnth in is friends.


There Harry sat in his room upon his bed, thinking; thinking of his godfather, Sirius. He thought of all Dumbledore had told him. This made him feel somewhat sick to his stomach. Why me? He thought to himself. Harry thought for what seemed like a full half hour. He had just gotten back from King's Cross Station. The ride home had been quite peaceful. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were now frightened to make him angry, so they just drove and looked straight ahead without speaking to him or each other. And who would blame them? They had just encountered what they would think of as extremely dangerous and threatening friend of Harry's. He then pondered this. He found it ironic and funny that Uncle Vernon had chosen, of all people, Moody, to try and intimidate. Hedwig flapped around in her cage. He looked up and realized there was a tear running down his left cheek. He wiped it off hastily and decided to turn in for the night. The next morning, Harry woke up at around 8:30 and lay in bed for another ten minutes. Eventually, he got up and went quietly down the stairs. Dudley was never awake by now, and he liked it that way, as the house was much more silent when he wasn't around. He strolled into the kitchen and saw his Uncle sitting at the table and Aunt Petunia making him his breakfast. They turned and looked at Harry quickly when they heard him. He sat down at the kitchen table across from his Uncle and was surprised when Aunt Petunia's voice came from behind him in a determinedly sincere voice that said, "What would you like for dinner, Harry?" She rarely said his name. "Er...just toast I guess. I can get it myself you know." He answered her. "Okay, whatever you want," issued from her thin lips. This was just too awkward. After Harry had eaten his breakfast that he had made himself, he decided to go into the living room and chance a look at what was going on in the News. He had expected it to happen, and it did. The reporter sitting in his desk in front of a map of the world said, after a few very worthless stories and reports, "...And reports say that there is an extremely dangerous man who has returned form hiding by the name of Tom Riddle. If anybody sees him, they are not to go anywhere near him." Harry felt a twinge of pain in his throat as this reminded him of when his godfather showed up on the news about four years ago. He looked at his Uncle who and come into the room earlier to see what criticisms he might have for this report. After all, he had complained that they didn't give enough information about Sirius Black when his unshaven, famished face showed up on the screen. Harry was slightly taken aback when his Uncle said nothing about it. As he grew very bored just hanging around his house, Harry decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. Dudley had now woken up and was finishing up his breakfast. No doubt he would probably be out to beat up some poor younger kid as soon as he was done, and Harry wanted to be out of the house earlier than he so he didn't risk seeing him, as he disliked his cousin very deeply. He announced to Uncle Vernon that he fancied a walk and the large man grunted, which meant he truly didn't care what Harry did, whether it was to run in front of a car or to go jump off the nearest bridge. Even so, this pleased Harry and he went on his way out of the front door into the dull heat and sunshine. He stuck his hands into his pockets, one of them clutched around the handle of his wand. If anything happened this summer, as did last summer, he would be ready to fight, and Harry realized that this next year was going to be worse than any other year when it came to getting into danger or trouble. Voldemort was back now, and he had no reason to try and hide anymore now that the ministry and the rest of the wizard community finally got it through their thick skulls that he had returned. Harry suddenly realized something. Mrs. Figg was a squib, so perhaps he would have someone to talk to about the whole mess that was going on. He rounded around to her house and rang the doorbell, but there was no answer. Harry was disappointed as he turned around to leave. He walked on and saw the ally that he first saw Sirius. When he thought of this, he just stood and gazed at it for a few minutes. Memories teemed in his head of times he had with his godfather. He remembered how Sirius had loved him more than anything else in the world, and suddenly he felt extremely sick. He remembered Sirius telling him that he would never do anything to hurt his father and mother. He remembered fending off the dementors as they closed in on him, Sirius, and Hermione. He remembered talking to him in the Gryffindor fire about the Triwizard Tournament. He remembered him sliding the poorly wrapped package into his hands as he got ready to leave Grimauld Place after the holidays and that one-armed hug he had given him on his way out. How could she do that? He asked himself this question. How could his only cousin, Bellatrix Black Lestrange, murder her own cousin and then laugh at it like some horrible clown in a circus. It's just disgusting and sick. Harry turned around and walked away from the alley with great difficulty. He stopped at that same park and sat in a swing. It looked as though someone had fixed the swings Dudley and his friends broke last summer. Once again, he was the only one in the park. He thought and thought of that year. He felt a horrible guilt and the most ferocious rage at Bellatrix that he had to close his eyes take a deep breath. He tried to take his mind off of it. Harry decided to focus on his friends. Even if he had lost Sirius, he still had Ron and Hermione. And he hoped to God that he wouldn't lose them. He thought of Lupin. Lupin had now lost his two best friends in the universe. How did he not just blow up right there, on the spot? Harry remembered Lupin's face after Sirius had gone through the dais. He remembered how pale it was, and how he turned away from the sight, with difficulty, and asked where the others were. Harry went home after it began to grow slowly pale in the sky above, and as soon as he got into the house, he went straight to his room and slept, without eating dinner that night. The Dursleys didn't bother worrying about him. Weeks went by where this happened every day, but he ate more often that this day. About three weeks later, he got four letters. One was Pigwigdion, and the other three Harry had never seen before. He picked up the letter of the first owl that arrived and noticed it had the Hogwarts seal on it. He had completely forgotten about his O.W.L.s because of the events thereafter. He tore it open and read the parchment.  
  
Mr. Harry Potter,  
The results of your Ordinary Wizarding Level exams are as follows:  
  
Charms: E Transfiguration: E Defense against the Dark Arts: O Potions: O Care of Magical Creatures: O Herbology: A History of Magic: A Divination: P Astronomy: P  
  
Harry was extremely surprised that he had gotten an Outstanding in Potions, of all subjects. He would be taking Snape's classes still. He had a chance of becoming an Auror and this pleased him more than anything else had that whole summer. He smiled for the first time in what seemed like ages... He then opened the letter from Ron and read:  
  
Hey Harry,  
How are things doing at those muggle's house? I hope you're holding out alright. So how did you do in your O.W.L.'s? I did okay, better than I expected, I think. I'm not sure about becoming an Auror, anymore. I really don't know what I want to do now. I haven't gotten a letter, but I bet Hermione got all Outstanding all down the parchment next to every subject. That's a surprise...so anyway, write back! Oh, and tell me if you have any trouble with those muggles at all, okay? I'll see to it. Your friend,  
Ron  
  
Harry smiled to himself once again. He loved getting mail from friends; it helped him get through having to stay with the Dursleys all summer. He found it humorous that his friend had told him he would see to the Dursleys. He imagined a group of people walking up to his door, all Aurors with their wands in their pockets. Tonks, Moody, Lupin, and perhaps Shackelbolt, all following Ron. As he pulled out the next letter, he smiled as he thought of the look on the Dursleys faces when they saw his friends walking up the garden path to their door. He read the writing on it and recognized the handwriting as Hermione's. He tore it open and read it as the barn owl flew out through his window.  
  
Hello Harry!  
I got my exam results back , you? I have an O in everything except for Ancient Runes, in which I received an E. Oh well. How did you do? Probably and O in Defense Against the Dark Arts; ha I hope Umbridge finds out. Her face when she finds out would be absolutely priceless! Hey Harry, if you have anything that you want to talk about, just write me a letter. See you in September, or perhaps sooner, and I will definitely write again!  
  
Your Friend,  
Hermione  
  
Harry noticed that she wrote "Your Friend." This had never meant much to him, just a way of signing off. Ron had written it too. His heart swelled with the thought of having such good friends. He smiled and opened the fourth and last letter. He had never seen this writing before, and felt somewhat suspicious. He tore it open and read to himself:  
  
Dear Harry,  
How have you been holding up so far this summer? Have you had any trouble with the muggles? I promise, we will be on our way if anything happens. Have you gotten your O.W.L. results?? How did you do? Hope you did well. Write back and remember you can tell me if anything bad happens. If you want someone to talk to, I'm here. And perhaps I will be able to tell you a few little things going on in the Order and what Voldemort is up to. I wish you a good holiday! Your good friend,  
Lupin By now, Harry's heart was overflowing. He had never gotten a letter form Lupin before. Perhaps he was trying to make up for Sirius since Harry wasn't going to get to talk to him anymore during the holidays. Harry also saw the "your good friend" at the bottom of the letter. Then Harry thought to himself very long and hard. Harry had found true loyalty and companionship with many people this year. Sure, he had known that Ron and Hermione were his friends, but he never expected anyone to do as much as they did for him. He not only found strength in them, but also Neville, Ginny, and even Luna. He suddenly felt horrible about shouting at his friends earlier this year. They were there for him, and they were even injured as they tried to defend him. Harry also found loyalty and strength in Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Shacklebolt, and Dumbledore. And Sirius... Harry suddenly felt a strange mixture of feelings and emotions stirring around inside of him. He was overjoyed at having so many people who would do anything in their power for them, but sad that one of them had to sacrifice himself for that. He felt guilty about being happy about having other people other than Sirius. He felt a sudden urge rise within him to hurt Bellatrix Lestrange. He silently vowed to himself that if he sees her again, she will pay for what she did. He was enraged so quickly as soon as he thought of this that he began to cry silent tears as he sat alone in his room. At least I will see him some day again. He thought to himself. It's not the end of Sirius. I can speak to him again some day. And I can see his face. And I will see my parents, too. Harry was feeling extremely tired now. As he crawled into his bed, Harry thought of this some more. He knew now what he would be facing, but he also knew that he would have help, and that no matter what his friends would come through for him in any way they can. This summer would be the best and worst in Harry's life. Harry lost his godfather, and he was once again away from all of the things he loved. But, he now realized how many people cared about what happened to him. The trouble with staying with the Dursleys is that you don't feel like anyone cares what happens to you. But now, Harry could think of all he now learned about the people who he spent time with at school. And he would see everyone again in the end, no matter what happened to them... 


End file.
